To Put it Simply, Part 2 July 28, 2007
Posted by revolutionaryintraining in Put It Simply, Speaking.add a comment
By Isahrai Malachy Azaria
(For Part 1, click here.)
After thinking about complicated speech for a few days, I tried to put it into action. The response I got from most people was “What’s wrong?” or “You seem so distant!” My long-winded reputation goes far and wide and my attempt at brevity threw everyone for a loop. I’m the girl who starts to tell a story and more than one of my friends will interrupt and say “Is this just a story or is this an Isahrai-story? Because I have to get up early in the morning!” Or there’s my one friend who has a natural gift for putting things simply. When I’m getting too rambly for my own good, he points an imaginary remote at my face and says “Fast forward.” (And I’ve only smacked him for doing so twice!) I doubt I’ll ever be as brief as that, but I think there is a happy medium to be found between speaking-in-manifesto and speaking like a caveman. As I try to figure out where that balance is, I’ve discovered a few (hopefully brief!) rules:
Make no excuses.
If I am attempting to justify myself, I should stop. Justification is a defensive action and will negatively affect to tone of the conversation and the reaction of the people I’m speaking to.
Spit it out already.
If I’m trying to bide my time to avoid making a point because I’m afraid of offending someone or causing a disagreement, I should just get to the point already. There’s no use pissing the person off by wasting their time with my hemming and hawing before I even get to the actual controversial part.
Life is short.
If there is an easier way to say it, do it. I used to avoid clichés as if they were this horrible disease that might wipe out the entire planet’s population and by refusing to say it, I was providing the only vaccine. I used to avoid clichés like the plague. As a writer, I’m taught to shun them and, in writing for the masses, this is good advice. If someone wants to read “A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet,” they’ll read Shakespeare, not my article on composting. However, in conversation (be it face-to-face, email, instant messaging), a cliché can go a long way in not only proving a point but proving your sincerity by refusing to dance around an issue or waste time. When applied appropriately, clichés work for their intended purpose: to express a fundamental truth or, at least, a socially accepted generalization.
Let’s give them something to talk about.
One unexpected result of uncomplicating my speech is that I am rewarded with genuine interest. I usually have exhausted the story or the talking point before I pause to come up for air. This eliminates any interaction with the person I’m speaking to because I’ve already exhausted their questions before they asked them. Choosing to speak more simply has proven to yield a more engaged, layered conversation.
I don’t know.
We make our speech complicated on purpose, often to avoid confrontation or liability. We also complicate it when we want to avoid looking foolish. It’s taken me a long time to learn to say, “I don’t know.” I’m frequently asked by a client if I know how to do X, Y, and Z. Usually I know 2 out of 3. I used to say, “Sure, of course!’ and then I’d work all night searching the internet for a tutorial. I’d justify these instances as “learning experiences” when really, they were failures, heart attacks, and burned bridges waiting to happen. I finally realized that I wasn’t really learning much from these crash courses as I was too busy trying to meet the deadline and sound like I knew what I was doing. Now, when I am approached with a task I don’t know how to do, I admit it. I follow it up with “If you’re not on a tight deadline, I can figure it out, give you a break on my fee for this part of the project, and get a great addition to my skill set. Or I can find someone who knows how to do it right now.” Surprisingly, 9 times out of 10, the client is so impressed with my honesty that they give me the leeway to figure it out on my own.
Me talk good.
Speaking simply does not mean using only one syllable words. It just means only using the best word, the best example, or the even the best body language response for the situation. Furthermore, applying these lessons beyond my speech, living simply does not mean taking the easy way out. It just means conscientiously choosing my path, avoiding unnecessary distractions, and not being afraid of being a “cliché” just because I follow someone else’s example.
Putting things simply certainly hasn’t quieted me much. I’m still very wordy (in case you didn’t notice) and know how to digress with the best of them. Consciously thinking about uncomplicated speech, though, has forced me to be more forthright, take more responsibility, and be a proactive participant – both as a speaker and listener – in conversation. Putting things simply has uncomplicated my speech process but it has also allowed me to delve further into my thought process and has empowered me to connect more intimately and quickly with others.
And, finally, my last rule for putting it simply: If trampling elephants pop into my head as the next example in my bullet point list of examples for something I was not asked to provide examples for… it’s time to simply shut up.
Enough said.
Isahrai Malachy Azaria is a freelance writer, designer, consultant, and singer-songwriter extraordinaire. A New Yorker at heart, she currently lives in Zihuatenejo, Mexico where her creative juices mix with the local flavors of the tropics while maintaining a strong love of Starbucks and all things Mac. For more information, check out her website at www.irmacreative.com.
To Put it Simply, Part 1 July 26, 2007
Posted by revolutionaryintraining in Put It Simply, Speaking.add a comment
By Isahrai Malachy Azaria
As we walked along, my friend couldn’t help but comment on how, even 18 months after being attacked by dogs, I am still extremely skittish. Even a sleeping dog puts me visibly on edge and the plethora of untethered dogs here in Mexico forces me to cross back and forth across the street to avoid them. A playful dog running past us on the beach caused me to squeak and wave my arms in a manner that only served to mislead the dog that I wanted to play which changed my squeaking to shrieking and nearly reduced me to the fetal position.
“You really haven’t gotten over dogs, have you?”
I tried to explain my (over)reactions. “I know I look ridiculous when I freeze up. Believe me, I try not to — and want to know what is even more ridiculous? I actually practice trying to yell in a firm voice instead of squeaking but as soon as a dog appears, I’m transformed into a mouse.” As the dog (which, by the way, was a small terrier) was corralled by his amused owner I tried to justify myself even further. “It’s as if I got stung by a bee and now I can’t even go on a picnic without being afraid of being stung. Or if I got hit by a bus, I’d be scared of buses and I’d walk all the time. Or, if a lover cheated on me, I’d be afraid the next one would and would constantly be asking questions.”
While I tried to think of another example (for some reason, being trampled by elephants was the only other example I could think of), my friend interrupted, “OR, to put it simply, ‘once bitten twice shy’.”
I agreed, “Yes, ‘once bitten twice shy’ is a way to put it.”
“It’s not just a way, it’s the way people put it. Just not you, my long-winded friend.”
I stopped walking, still partially thinking about the elephants and wondering why they popped into my head. “I do have a way of rambling and roaming before I get to my point, don’t it?”
I’d like to believe she was laughing with me, instead of choking on laughter at my grand understatement. We continued walking, using the rest of the length of the beach to come up with other filibuster versions of popular clichés…
<blockquote>”If you don’t use your penny to buy something, it’s as if it were included on your next paycheck as new money.”
“In the case that someone – or even the wind – slams a door in your face, thus eliminating the opportunity of entering through that door, there’s a distinct possibility that a window is open somewhere else that you can use to gain access to the room.” (We even continued this “sentence” with references to returning at night in a ski mask to use said window and considering knocking on the slammed door just in case it reopened.)
“Because the people whom you love the most are around you the most often and also illicit the strongest range of emotions, it is inevitable that you will cause them more pain than passing acquaintances.”</blockquote>
While we were trying to come up with something for “a stitch in time saves nine” – but struggled to do so because we don’t actually know what that phrase means – I started to extrapolate our game (because that’s what us long-winded folk do). How often do I make my communication more complicated than it needs to be? And to extrapolate on my extrapolation (I’m not only long-winded, I’m obsessive, too!), how often do I make my life more complicated than it needs to be? The answer to both of these questions? Far too often, and probably to the detriment of my friendships, work, and personal peace of mind.
A clear example of my over-complicated speech happened when I recently sent out an email informing my contact list that I had changed my email address and mobile phone number. Instead of the necessary 2-sentence note, it turned into a 3 paragraph letter which then turned into 6 paragraphs when you factor in the Spanish translation. Why did I feel so compelled to write so much to everyone in my address book? I needed to explain why I was changing my email address and cellular number. I needed to provide an anecdote and some sweet nothings. I needed to be personal and witty because that’s why people like me, isn’t it? If I’m formal and brisk, they might just delete me from their address book altogether! (Or maybe I’m certifiable.) In retrospect, all of the filler I included in my mass email was a waste of every one’s time. If I really wanted to be personal and witty, I should have taken the time to write each person individually. And even then, I should have sent my new contact information in a separate, succinct email message so that it would be processed in the appropriate manner rather than getting lost in the correspondence.
We all, myself especially, get caught up in explanations, excuses, and furthermores. It is a basic human desire to want to be understood but we’ve somehow confused clarification with closing arguments. We want to put forth our entire case, leaving no room for reasonable doubt. Instead of telling our friends, “I don’t want to go for Chinese tonight, I want Italian,” we launch into a statistical breakdown of how many times we’ve eaten Chinese in the last month, a commentary on the way the local takeout place braises their eggplant beyond recognition, and an exposition on the wonders of the Mediterranean diet on overall well-being. We’re afraid of being described as blunt or withholding so we hold absolutely nothing back. We don’t want to be questioned so we lay out all the answers in a long, complicated, and very unnecessary speech. If our friends want to know why we don’t want Chinese, they’ll ask. But who knows, maybe as soon as you suggest Italian, they’ll realize they have a hankering for bruschetta like nobody’s business and you’ll be onto your first glass of red wine instead of standing on a street corner detailing the reasons you hate spring rolls.
Isahrai Malachy Azaria is a freelance writer, designer, consultant, and singer-songwriter extraordinaire. A New Yorker at heart, she currently lives in Zihuatenejo, Mexico where her creative juices mix with the local flavors of the tropics while maintaining a strong love of Starbucks and all things Mac. For more information, check out her website at www.irmacreative.com.
Plan B: Further Thoughts on Following Your Dreams July 18, 2007
Posted by revolutionaryintraining in Adventures, Dreams, Hold Firm to Your Purpose, Plan B, Purpose.add a comment
Conventional wisdom tells us to always have a back up plan when making decisions. A good friend asked me what mine was a few months ago after I decided to get a job in TV here in the U.S. and, more specifically, to work for Harpo Studios.
“Let’s say Oprah doesn’t call and nothing else opens up. What’s your Plan B?“, he asked.
A thought I clearly didn’t want to focus on, I responded, “I suppose moving to England.” All the while dreading a life without the daily sunshine and beaches my California adventures have afforded me.
England because I’m Canadian and can work there without restrictions, unlike in the States. Also, because I’ve spent summers there when my older sister used to live near London. And, of course, for the unbeatable culture.
But really my attention was on the vision I had of working in an organization, like Oprah’s, where I could fulfill my personal calling of inspiring people to live their best life. Oprah is based in America and I wanted to reach out to the same market, and then there’s the fact that most TV shows are made in L.A., land of sun and beaches (yes, it’s a theme).
I had my mission, I had my vision and was committed to doing everything I could to achieve it, despite the great obstacle of needing work sponsorship to stay in the great U.S. of A. I created a website to serve as a platform for my passions and calling, volunteered as an intern at a local TV station, made an application video to set myself apart from the crowd, and even started hosting my own live talk show. I also wrote a great cover letter (thanks Rai) and applied for hundreds of jobs, networked with people in the industry, had a few interviews… and nothing.
July loomed around the corner: the deadline I’d set earlier this year to find a job in the States or make a new direction. Plan B all of a sudden was knocking on my door. At first I kind of laughed it off, nervously of course, but soon it became apparent that my backup plan needed to be put into action. Furthermore, Plan B and all that London offers, quickly became a very appealing and, dare I say, exciting option. The opportunity to live, work, and travel in an international setting with organizations and media working hands on in the global marketplace seemed too good to pass up.
Was my American dream over before it even began?
Literally as I write this I’m sitting on a bench overlooking the lush green of Golden Gate Park, a sandy white(ish) beach, and the beautiful blue Pacific ocean on yet another gorgeous sunny day. Could I really give all this up to move to damp, foggy London? What I’ve realized over the past few weeks is that what matters most to me now is living the life I’m called to, not adhering to a vision I have of what my dreams look like.
Too many people get trapped by their idea of what path their dreams should follow, and when things don’t go according to plan they stagnate and lose the very dream they were trying to hold on to. We have to keep our eyes on our ultimate calling which gives birth to our dreams, and hold on only tight enough to reach the dreams we can and loose enough to allow new ones to take root in our heart.
I don’t have it all figured out. There’s not job lined up in London, but I do have a place to stay until I find work, and a few friends I know who live there. So I go forth with open hands, an open heart, and an open mind… and a plane ticket for the beginning of September. I’ve sold my belongings but I’ve not sold out. I’m still following my dreams one step at a time, ready for a new adventure in London, whatever that may be. And I know that just like Aslan in C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia, Plan B may not be safe, but it is good. It’s always good to follow your dreams.
Fashion Forward July 14, 2007
Posted by revolutionaryintraining in Fashion, What Not to Wear, Your Best Life.add a comment
They say that clothes make the man and I couldn’t agree more. Living your best life is not just about fulfilling your dreams; it’s about being the best you can be in all areas of life. Fashion is an important – and fun – part of your identity because it reflects who you are and provides a platform for you to express yourself to the world.
Sure, we all wrongly make judgments about people based on what they wear, but chances are a person’s clothes give more than a glimpse into what’s really underneath. So what do your clothes say about you? People who refuse to accept themselves as they are often dress for a body type other than their own because they’re trying to be something they’re not. Perhaps you know people with hectic lives who similarly dress in a chaotic or haphazard style. And maybe you’ve noticed how the fashion of younger generations is more trendy and tends to change more frequently. In our youth we’re still forming our identity and may try on different outfits until we find the one that really fits.
Being in the latter half of my 20s at this point, I can attest to this adaptation of style as my person-hood has developed over the past decades. I never went too crazy, although as a product of the 80s there are photos of slouch socks, neon colors and crimped hair. Sad but true. I’m glad to say that now, with a much deeper sense of self, I dress and look better than ever before. And I anticipate my fashion sense continuing to evolve over the years as I get more self-aware and, let’s be honest, richer.
Yes, it does take money to put your best foot forward (and yes, good shoes cost a pretty penny) but it doesn’t have to take a fortune. The most important thing to define your style and know what looks best on your body. Once you’ve accomplished this you can find great clothes at decent prices. Wardrobe staples like jeans, pants, jackets, and dresses in black, white, gray and navy blue will ensure you have a solid place to start. It’s best to buy quality over quantity so shell out a few extra dollars for the classic items you’ll wear over and over again. Then you can fill things out with more trendy accent pieces like jewelry, colorful tops and shoes.
For helpful tips on how to dress for your body type, check out TLC’s What Not To Wear and start moving fashion forward to your best life.
Emotions: Compass or Confusion? July 11, 2007
Posted by revolutionaryintraining in Compass, Confusion, Emotions, Know Yourself, Looking within.add a comment
In many ways life is a series of endless decisions and there are many ways to go about making these choices. Some are more inclined to a rational decisiveness while others rely on the advice of friends and still others make lists to weigh out all the pros and cons. While there is no one right way to make decisions, we all have an internal compass which can give us valuable direction in life: our emotions. The thing is to get in touch with yourself enough to really understand what your emotions are trying to tell you.
We all know people who let their emotions toss them about like a ship in a storm, as well as those who’ve distanced themselves so much they’re disconnected from life. But life doesn’t have to be like this. You can take charge of your feelings by taking the time to heal your past so that you truly understand the source of your emotions. Knowing why you feel the way you do empowers you to make better decisions.
For many years I avoided the pain in my history by cutting myself off from my emotions; what I didn’t see is that it still influenced my life. This past year I finally realized how strongly my childhood fears influence my thoughts and decisions. Working in an abusive situation I daily found myself feeling anxious and even terrified. What I came to see was that my own fear intensified a bad reality into a living nightmare. Having spent years working through this issue, I knew my fear was rooted more in my past than in my present. With this awareness I no longer felt controlled by my circumstances and was able to make a clear decision to move on to start living my dreams.
Even with your past in check you still need to take the time to look within yourself to get in touch with your emotions. Whether you’re in a point of transition and needing to make some major life decisions, or just wanting to live the best life you can everyday, your emotions are a compass pointing you in the right direction. Too often in the business of life we forget to stop and listen to ourselves when really this is one of the best things we can do to ensure we’re following our dreams and moving towards a fulfilling life.
They say when it comes to choosing a marriage partner, “You know when you know.” While I’ve yet to have this particular experience, I have had this feeling in reference to many other things in life. The truth is, we almost always know what we really want deep inside and we can discover this by quieting ourselves enough to hear the guidance from our inner voice. Take for example your job. Do you feel excited or bored when you think about it? Maybe you’re considering a move or starting a new relationship. Are your feeling more peace and confidence or anxiety? It’s natural when contemplating any decision, especially a big one, to feel nervous and uncertain, but getting down to the root of your emotions and revealing the stronger ones will give you great insight into your heart’s desire.
To me, life is really a journey of desire and I believe that if we know ourselves well enough, we can trust our emotions to guide us on the best path. That doesn’t mean we’re going to avoid pain or never take a misstep, but that if we have the courage to follow our heart we can life a life of meaning, passion, and purpose. So spend some time with your inner compass and see where it leads you on the road of life.
Clean Sweep: Making Room for Your Dreams July 7, 2007
Posted by revolutionaryintraining in Cleaning, Dreams, Organizing, Vision.1 comment so far
Do you ever feel so overwhelmed by what’s going on in your life that it’s hard to concentrate on what’s really important? What many of us don’t realize is that our physical environment has a big impact on how we feel and think. You may not notice it, but when life seems out of control the same is often true of our surroundings as well. We all need a space where we can take a break from it all, get energized, and refocus ourselves. Whether you’re trying to define your calling, pursue your passions, or just ruminate over your options, it’s probably time to make a clean sweep so you can get clear about your life and your vision.
Now I’m no neat freak, I’ll let you know, but I do like to keep things organized. However, life has its way of piling up around you and every once in awhile I get that urge to clear out the junk that’s managed to accumulate over the years. This urge usually arises right when I’m trying to focus on something important. Once I was trying to write a college paper and ended up sitting in a pile of clutter at 2 a.m. because I couldn’t concentrate on my work until I had cleared the room. And this past winter when I was defining my life’s calling, I found I couldn’t devote the energy and focus I needed to get clear within myself if my surroundings were in disorder. The key is to get organized, creating a space where you’re free to dream and cultivate a vision for your life.
Take a look around the room you’re in right now. Maybe you’re at work, sitting at a cluttered desk under poor lighting in a room with no window. An environment like this is not exactly conducive to either focused thought or productivity; in fact, you’ll probably feel scattered, frustrated, and even depressed. And what about your home? Are you surrounded by disorder and mess? The more clutter and chaos is in your life, the more likely you’ll end up feeling drained and uninspired. So you can see that in order to live a fulfilling, passionate life, you need to be conscious of your surroundings and do your best to make sure they promote positive energy.
We spend most of our time at work and home so it’s especially important that these places make us feel rejuvenated and alive. Rather than waiting for spring to make a clean sweep of things, why don’t you get organized now? Set aside a day to go through your closet and donate anything you haven’t worn in the past year. Pull out the boxes under your bed and finally let go of the school papers you thought you’d read again and never have. Whittle down your collection of baseball cards, tea cups or whatever it is overflowing on your shelves. Organize the pile of papers on your desk at work and clear out whatever you don’t need. With more space around you’ll find yourself feeling lighter and breathing easier.
While we all work in different ways, some more organized than others, it’s true for us all that we need a clear space to live and work so that we can be the positive, motivated, and passionate people we’re meant to be. What’s in your environment that’s holding you back from your dreams? Take some time this week to clean out y
The New “F” Word July 4, 2007
Posted by revolutionaryintraining in Forgiveness, Freedom, The "F" Word, Unforgiveness.add a comment
These days the “F” word is gaining more and more popularity and if you haven’t done so already, I suggest you get on board. No, I’m not talking about the swear word many people throw around as an adjective, but the new “F” word: forgiveness. It plays a critical role in being able to follow your dreams and live a fulfilling life. So which “F” word do you find yourself using most often?
Without forgiveness you’ll be anchored to the pain in your past and unable to move forward to make your dreams a reality. Even if you try and have some success, you’ll be carrying the weight of your unforgiveness around with you everywhere you go. Having spent my teen and college years doing just this, I can testify that unforgiveness is toxic. When you carry a grudge it’s like a poison that can actually make you physically sick. For some people, their grudges are so heavy that it consumes their lives and keeps them from experiencing any happiness.
While my years of unforgiveness weren’t quite that extreme, it definitely kept me from living the joyful life I wanted; instead I was often angry and anxious. I stuffed my anger so deep inside that while Ikept moving onward, there was a pervasiveness heaviness in my heart. Eventually, after a particularly hard breakup, I realized I needed to face my past and went through a year of intensive counseling. With the help of a wonderful life coach I was able to experience true forgiveness of the people who had wounded me and started living in the freedom that forgiveness brings.
What I learned through this process was that forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight, at least not with the big stuff. It’s a journey and it takes a lot of work and time, but it’s beyond worth it when you get to the other side and feel the weight of the world lift of your shoulders. I learned to let go of my expectations that people who had hurt me would change. I also had to learn to accept people the way they are, but just as importantly, that I didn’t have to like them or accept their hurtful behavior.
Forgiveness isn’t about letting people walk all over you; it’s about letting go of the past and then creating new boundaries to not allow people to hurt you.
Like me, most of us didn’t learn how to forgive growing up and as a result have held on to a lot of pain. But your past doesn’t have to be your future. There are many more chapters to your life. The past can only come back to haunt you if you allow it to. Who do you have to forgive in your life? You’ll probably find you need to forgive yourself for the times you’ve allowed others to hurt you. It’s up to you to take the journey of forgiveness and write a new story for your future. Then you’ll be singing the other new “F” word… FREEDOM.
Dreams Take Time… and a Lot of Effort June 27, 2007
Posted by revolutionaryintraining in Dreams, Effort, Hold Firm to Your Purpose.add a comment
If you’re anything like me, you have a dream and you want it to happen now… and, to be honest, with as minimal effort as possible. Having spent my whole life dreaming all kinds of dreams, I can tell you it almost never happens that way. Even American Idol winners have to wait in line forever to get a chance to audition, and then they must continue proving themselves throughout the competition. After all, the truth is that it’s not enough just to know what you want, you have to actually go make it happen. And that takes time, patience, and a lot of effort.
Anyone who sets out on a journey knows that it’s a process which requires a lot of preparation. If you’re flying you’ve carefully packed your carry-on with a one quart plastic zipper bag filled with your essential 3-oz liquid toiletries, made sure your luggage doesn’t weigh more than 50 lbs. per bag, and kept your passport and ticket in hand for the myriad of checkpoints you’ll inevitably encounter. It’s not easy and no matter how seasoned a flier you are, you’re probably going to run into at least a few bumps along the way. Life’s like that, and so are dreams. You’re bound to run into some difficulties as you travel along your journey of fulfilling them.
I set out on my journey five months ago and while I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy, I guess I thought it would be more magical somehow. I started out with a sense of divine calling (which I still have), and direction (which I usually have), and the belief that my path would lead me to the job I wanted at Harpo Studios. My passion for this job inspired me to create this website, write a heart-felt and intelligent cover letter, intern at a local TV station, and make an application video designed to have me working at Harpo by, well, about now. The inspiration is still there, and so are those efforts, but so far there’s no job.
So what do you do when it’s taking more time and effort to realize your dreams than you thought? And what do you do when you hit a stumbling block on your journey? The first thing is to understand that it’s natural to lose motivation along the way. It’s not that you’re actually unwilling or desiring to do the work that dreams take; after all, your dream is your life’s passion! But it’s hard to keep that passionate drive going day after day without any evidence that you’re making progress.
The key is to keep going back to your purpose. Who were you created to be? You have to hold firm to your mission and keep working at it, even when you can’t see how you’re going to get there. Take time to acknowledge the efforts you’ve made so far, and allow yourself to keep dreaming up new ideas on how to move forward. Make sure you don’t get so caught up in working at your dreams that you forget to make time to just have some good old fashioned fun. Dreams take time, but so does life, so allow yourself to take the journey one day at a time and one day you’ll look back and see how far your dreams have come.
Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude June 19, 2007
Posted by revolutionaryintraining in Attitude, Gratitude.add a comment
They say practice makes perfect and this certainly applies to one’s attitude. For those of us who, by nature, are less than cheery apple pie kind of people (and let’s admit that’s probably most of us), it’s particularly important to practice the art of cultivating an attitude of gratitude. Not only because people with positive outlooks are generally better to be around, but they’re also happier and couldn’t we all use more happiness in our lives?
At any given time there are any number of reasons to feel frustrated, discontent, sad or some other negative emotion. The same can be said for the other side; there’s usually plenty of things to be happy about as well. The problem is that it’s quite common that most people access their negative feelings easier than the positive ones. But all is not lost. Whether you’re born a pessimist, a realist, or someone who generally gets down a lot, this doesn’t have to be your lot in life. It’s possible to choose your emotions and actually become someone who thinks, behaves and feels positive and happy, just as if it were second nature to you.
The best thing about choosing to be positive is that it actually works. I should know because I’m a born realist who can tend to see the world in black and white, with an emphasis on the negative aspects of a situation. Growing up I never knew that I could actually choose my emotions and it wasn’t until the beginning of this year that I realized that emotions don’t have to be just a gut reaction. This has probably been the most powerful lesson I’ve learned so far on my journey through life. Now, instead of just taking whatever life throws at me, I make a conscious decision to focus on positive things.
When I first started doing this I was very skeptical to say the least. Emotions can be very strong things and it’s tempting to believe that they control you, but the reality is that they don’t have to. By consistently guiding my thoughts to see the many wonderful things in my life, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that being a positive, happy person actually started coming easier and easier to me. No, it’s not always easy and sometimes there are situations that are just plain old rotten. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t still plenty of things to be grateful for. It’s the hard times in particular which benefit the most from this new attitude, but it’s these times that it also takes the most practice. But I promise you, it’s worth the effort.
Personally, I’ve found one of the most helpful ways to develop this positive attitude is to practice being grateful. If you find yourself feeling negative for any reason, just take a few minutes break and think of 10 things your grateful for in your life. They can be simple things like a perfect espresso, catching the train just when you thought you’d be late for work, or great weather. Or maybe you’re grateful for your health, a loved one, or your job. There are endless things to be grateful for, but it does take a bit of effort to make these things the center of your attention, not the guy you got stuck behind in the checkout line who took 5 minutes to count out the change from his pocket.
Another great thing about gratitudes is that it’s free and can be done anywhere. At any time of the day or night you can jot down 10 (or more) things you’re grateful for and focus on the feelings associated with those gratitudes. The more you do this, the more you will feel grateful, happy and content. It’s not magic, it’s just good old fashion hard work. In fact, it’s not even that hard once you start making it a part of your daily life. So, go ahead. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude. What have you got to lose besides a case of the grumps?
